An open letter to “that guy.”

We had “that guy” come in to the gym last night, and he always makes me grumpy.

Dear “That Guy,”

Stop it.

Yes, I play with the big boys. Yes, I train hard, and yes, my (often large) friends push me to my limits. No, this does not mean that acceptable behavior in your first visit to our gym includes “try everything I’ve ever seen on the UFC” and throwing wild helicopter-elbows at my face. No, you probably won’t be able to pass my guard.  No, I’m not using any strength.

One of the most important things (to me) when I’m training is being able to trust my training partners. I train with some of my best friends– people I trust to slap heel-hooks and toe-holds on me with impunity and vice versa– and I rarely get hurt. When I do get hurt it’s because nutcases like you, That Guy, have come in and decided that your extensive collection of TapOut gear, excessive amounts of hours of watching MMA, and one week of Muay Thai when you were twelve qualify you to come in and introduce your elbow to my chin repeatedly. Especially after I (and other high-ranked people) have told you that you need to chill your shit out.

That Guy, if you want to play dirty, I have spent nearly twelve years learning how. I have small, bony elbows and knees that I am very adept at “accidentally” shoving in all the places you don’t want them.  What can I say, I’m American– I will drop a shock and awe campaign on your sensitive, squishy parts, and you will rue the day you crossed me. It’s just how we roll.

Invariably, you will also say something that is a roundabout insult, like “oh I am surprised you replaced your guard” or something equally stupid. I am not surprised. My friends are not surprised. My teacher is not surprised. Why are you surprised? Because I’m a girl?  Because I’m a small girl at that? I’d mock your pseudo-epileptic thrashing all over the mat, but I’m afraid I’d insult people with epilepsy.

Does ego deflation hurt, or is it just a small pinch?

I am generally really forgiving of the crazy stuff new people pull– for the most part, everyone was a wild belt at some point– but I draw the line at someone who has been warned and informed multiple times not to do something and does it anyway.  A BJJ gym is often a complicated place, with different layers of connection between people. I am always astounded when people like That Guy strut in like they own the place and ignore all the years of trust that people have built up by acting like peacocks.

Again, That Guy, don’t get all ruffled if you can’t pass my guard or if I tap you out. This doesn’t mean you won’t be able to pass my guard in the future. All it means is that BJJ is effective, if I, as a 56 kg girl, can roll all over someone without any experience. Embrace it, train hard, get better. Conversely, get out.  Just stop being… That Guy.

Thanks!